What do you do if you want to be even closer in a relationship?
What do you do if you want to be even closer in a relationship? So what can you do to support your man if you would love for him to open up more emotionally? How to create more closeness, specifically how to help your man open up emotionally. And so anytime we’re going to open up emotionally, that’s a scary thing to do.
It takes being vulnerable, and that’s often making me nervous. And so the first step in helping your man open up is for you to open up first. When we’re open and vulnerable, we’re taking a chance at rejection. And so for you to lead the way with courage and to say, here’s who I am, here are my vulnerabilities, here is my openness.
And when he sees that it’s safe to open up that you’re not going to reject him because you’re laying yourself on the line as well, he’s way more likely to open up. I went out in the hallway, and there was this futon out in this hallway, this cabin she’s sleeping in. I’m like, honey, what are you doing on this futon? And she looked up at me, and she said, can I be vulnerable with you?
And she said, I was gassy last night, and I didn’t want to blow you out of bed. I started laughing, and she started laughing. And at the same time, I thought to myself, that’s the most incredible thing I’ve ever heard someone say because we had been millionaire dating maybe like six months at that point, I dated a few, we were long distance, and so she flew out to have this weekend.
That took courage to say that. That was not a pretty thing to say, and that’s not something you’re trying to broadcast to the person with whom you’re building in a rich men dating relationship. And yet she was super honest and vulnerable with me at that moment, and that just helped me drop the parts of myself where I wanted to look good in front of her and put on a good show and get even more real.
Number two is to lead with compassion. When your man does open up, when he shares stuff with you, we will often share a struggle or concern we’re having or something like that. Instead of telling them how to make it better or trying to fix it, giving him advice or coaching instead, offer compassion. And the worst thing that you can do is judge him for what he’s saying.
If you want to encourage him to open up, have that compassionate heart, don’t judge him because we can feel that. When someone considers us, if you think less of him, if your opinion of him diminishes because of some vulnerability that he shared with you, he’s going to sense that, and he’s going to feel that. So one of the most excellent practices of knowing that you can be a compassionate space for somebody else is first to be a
And number three, if you’re going to ask him some personal questions or invite him to go deeper, pick a private place to do this. The last thing someone wants is to be sharing about how their mom abandoned the family and then have the server come by and say, “Hey, would you guys like some more pico de gallo?” like in the middle of some dinner.
So invite them to have these conversations when it’s just the two of you, maybe the two of you at the house, or you’re out on a walk, just the two of you. That setting where you’re private lets him know he’s not going to be interrupted, and he’ll have a better chance of going deeper because he knows he has more time to go there.
Number four is called shoulder up. And basically, what this means is instead of having a conversation where you’re face-to-face when you want to go deeper and more vulnerable, instead sit at a 90-degree angle or do something where the two of you are side-by-side. If you’re sitting at a table, sitting on a park bench, and you’re shoulder to shoulder.
And number five. And this one’s magic, and it goes right alongside the shoulder up the tip. And that is talk over an activity. Instead of a one-night dinner table, you invite them to pull up a chair, and you say, “Honey, we need to talk.” Guys don’t do that, and they don’t talk just for the sake of talking.
If you want him to relax and open up, talk over an activity that the two of you will do together, whether that’s fishing, imagine two guys out fishing, right? Casting the line real in the fish. And they’re talking, they’re sharing their side of the side, or you’re shooting hoops together, or go for a walk together, any activity that you’re doing together, that exercise helps relax the mood, helps him go deeper in his shares with you.